Birthday(s)

Err.. I wonder if it sounds weird to say Birthdays. Obviously, because one can't have more than one birthday :P. Nonetheless, people celebrate their "birthday" every year religiously. Of course, the definition of celebration varies by leaps and bounds. I was never very comfortable with idea of celebrating birthday. The day one is born is gone, so what is there to celebrate every year. Moreover, that day the new-born would not even have realized that he was born. So, why celebrate a day when you were at the peak of your ignorance, when you were totally dependent on others.

Come to think of the traditions associated with birthdays and it completely defies logic. First and foremost is, of course, to cut a cake and blow candles. What does that signify? You could relate it to a million things but I can only think of it as a sure shot way to put on some unwanted calories and search for a place to keep so many candles that you might never use. Next comes the much dreaded birthday-bums. Now, what can I say about this age-old "tradition". Pain-in-the-a$$??? Oh! Come on, how can I feel I am celebrating something if I am being kicked hard on my you-know-where. Moreover, all of a sudden your friend-list multiplies to perform these 2 activities - eating cake and bashing you. That reminds me of the next birthday-torture - phone calls. The whole day your phone rings incessantly. Even at 12 midnight, for God's sake. All aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, old-enemies.. and oops.. I forgot, even mobile service providers, mall owners, jewellers, office HR people suddenly decide to shower all their love and affection on you on this special occasion. Ya, I completely believe that they were elated the moment you were born. Ohh.. how can I forget the most important part, namely, TREAT!! Yes, aren't you supposed to be "celebrating" your birth by taking all your hi-bye friends to the best restaurant available in town and blowing away all your hard-earned money. (I think I can now relate to the candle-blowing custom. It must be symbolically representing emptying your pockets)

Okkk.. I can hear you guys. I have completely ignored one other aspect of birthdays called gifts. Every year, its the gifts that make you feel wanted, that keeps you going, that makes you feel that all that you did against your wish was justified 'cause at least a handful of your friends had fun at your expense. You want to filter out and remember the nicest moments of the day. Of course, not because it was your birthday but because it was a day when some people showed that they cared and you know best as to which ones really meant it. One would be insane to derive conclusions based on the cost of the gift. Something as simple as a heartfelt thought is a big enough gift. So, if there were no birthdays, when would people tell their loved-ones that they mean a lot to them. Everybody has the option of doing it on any freakin' day, but the fact is that nobody does it. I understand all of this when I put myself in the shoes of the person attending a birthday party. By principle, I never attend birthday parties of people who mean nothing more than a useless weed to me. So, I wonder if I would have ever intentionally showed any friend of mine that I loved and cared for him/her and wanted him/her to be happy, had it not been for the person's birthday!! Maybe, maybe not.

So now I reckon that all celebrations, be it birthday, festival, any function, any get-together is all for a common reason. That is to feel lively enough to live. Giving and receiving love and affection is the crux. Feeling happy, doing masti and enjoying together is the motive. The rest of the things are add-ons (mostly not very logical but emotional, historical, traditional, cultural, religious blah blah) and hence get modified as time passes. So whether you make modaks for Ganesh chaturthi or not, you surely buy new clothes and at least, wish to go to dance in your society. Whether you even know the reason for celebrating Diwali or not, you sure want to burst crackers. I am not complaining though:P. After all, if it makes one happy, then why not do it!?

I had this mind-wave because those around me made this birthday of mine really really special. I felt so overwhelmed thinking of the day that I could not help but write this post. Irrespective of whatever they did for me on my birthday, I always knew that they loved me. Of course, they showed it in a million different ways throughout our lifetimes. However, this day just served as a day for me to specially sit back and rejoice my friendship with each one of them, to remind myself that I am amongst the very lucky ones. I used to have my own reservations about 'illogical' celebrations. But now, my opinion has slightly changed. To live life king size, celebration in some or the other form cannot be done without :D

Warning: Don't come charging to my house asking for a treat in return for your free (please note, I am not using the virtuous word priceless but the 'cheapo' word free) wishes, hugs, thoughts etc. etc. Do remember that I said that I can see through the ulterior motives of con men ;)

Anger Management

There are loads and loads of books, seminars, shows, treatments etc. etc. for "Anger Management", "Short Temper" blah blah... To me, they are all the same. What varies is only the degree of anger, the tolerance level of each individual. I strongly feel that if one can control the momentary loss of temper, he can go a long way in diminishing, if not eliminating, anger from his life. My answer to this is the most effective but the most difficult one to achieve. Whatever the case, the best thing to do when you can feel your top blowing up is to remain silent. It takes a LOT to do this. The least benefit is that you do not damage anything. By damage, I mean damage to property, damage to relationships, damage to your own dignity etc. etc.. Some wise man once said, "Arrow, words and time will never return". So better not say things which you never meant to. It can cause irreparable damage.

Agree, it is certainly easier said than done. But I have a few ways to pull myself to shut my mouth when that is the vent my anger is looking for. The moment I feel the itch on my tongue, I force myself to think of the universe, space, galaxies and what not and remind myself of how minute a creature I am and how insignificant, how futile this fight is to the cosmos. Then I tell myself that I am not a very virtuous person. So, I should try my bit and exercise control over such meaningless "pleasures". After all, its all mind over matter. I also try to recollect all those unpleasant memories I have because I blabbed something someday somewhere in anger. In the end, I hammer it in my brain that by speaking now, I am gonna be the one at loss by all means. I might get instant pleasure by yelling immediately but I'll multiply the bitterness and carry it longer with me. Anyway, just yelling results in nothing at all. It is a weak man's vent to his anger.

With all the above and more, I realized that my anger did not melt instantly. It took its own sweet time. But I did not budge to the calls of my ire to blurt out curses and swear words. And in less than 2 minutes, I had a heavenly feeling. I reckon that the bomb squad must be feeling that way after diffusing a bomb. Also, at leisure, if I recollect 2-3 such instances, I feel I made my life better, if not anybody else's.

Gradually, I started behaving better with people. I took things more lightly and did not over react to a situation. I started respecting people more and believing that everybody is good. I started laughing at situations that would earlier leave me fretting and fuming. For eg., I used to curse the rick guys who refused to come to the destination of my choice and feel like whacking them hard. Now, I just 'drink' my anger and move on to the next one. I used to feel like kicking those who break the queue. Now, I just request them with a smile. It may or may not work. But, if I get angry and shout at them, it WILL NEVER work. If not anything, I definitely feel I'm a more refined person and feel life is better this way. Give it a try, I am sure you'll not regret :P

Please note that by preaching suppression of squabbling and bickering, I am, by no means suggesting that one should not get angry over things that deserve to be corrected. For example, wrong policies in a company, corrupt politicians, pollution of environment, crime etc. should make one angry so that one can try his bit to change it. Even in this case, simply yelling will yield nothing :D... Remember, I said its only the degree that varies, the solution remains the same....