Wake up gals!! Chuck the protocols.. There's only one life!!

I often wonder - how free are Indian women? I agree that the urban women enjoy much more freedom when compared to the women in rural India. However, there is still a huge gap to bridge.

The other day I was lazily browsing different channels on TV. On one of the sports channels, they were showing a cricket match. Just outside the stadium, there was a group of women playing beach volleyball wearing almost nothing. They were totally having fun. I was wondering if it is possible for any Indian woman to do that - be it urban or rural. You may say that it is by their own choice. But I completely disagree. Think of the ruckus that is created over Sania Mirza's attire. What I mean to say is that Indian women are brought up in such a way that they are taught not only to suppress their own desires but also to not even think of anything that does not comply to the 'template' created by God-knows-who. So leave alone playing in those clothes, they would not even think of wearing it. Of course, clothes is a very small example to elucidate my point. The so-called values are hammered into their heads so much that they cannot make their decisions purely based on what would give them happiness, or purely based on logic. Their decisions have to consider a lot of meaningless parameters. After all, there is only one life. What is the point in living a stifled life for nothing.

Poor thing is caught in meaningless traditions. Even women working in commanding positions cannot decide not to cook at home without considerable amount of guilt 'cause she is supposed to 'take care' of her family, even if it consists of grown-up adults only. As if her family cannot make arrangements for their own food. A woman breaking out of a bad marriage is never appreciated by the society whereas one putting up with the atrocities of the husband and crying in a corner is supposed to be the ideal Bhartiya naari. And please note that the so-called society will never ever go to help the woman suffering a bad marriage. In case of joint families, women have to give least priority to their friends (with whom they enjoy life) and instead, they are supposed to please in-laws day-in and day-out (who might not even acknowledge her deeds, forget praise). I am surprised to see even women working in MNCs following this and cribbing. What does she gain by all this? To understand my point, you must watch the movie Dor. It excellently depicts the plight of rural women. As for urban women, their situation is better because they are at least financially independent. However, they are not free to make their choices in a society such as ours.

A lot of these rules, rituals were made for a society where living was totally different. Circumstances have changed but Indians are taking their own sweet time to adapt. Though there is a lot of change, a lot more is yet to happen.

What made me loathe these so-called values even more was an incident that took place at a wedding I recently attended. The groom's father had expired many years ago. So, it was his brother and brother's wife who performed all the rituals. Their family was supposedly very modern. However, the groom's mum was not allowed on the stage. The whole stage was crowded by relatives. I was almost moved to tears when I saw the groom's mother standing in a corner and raising on her heels to catch a glimpse of what is happening on the stage. For God's sake, it was this woman who made a man out of that boy when all the relatives had deserted them. And now, just because she was considered 'inauspicious'........ Crap!!!

Having said all this, I want to reiterate my point that I am only against all the social obligations that a woman is either put though or a woman unknowingly puts herself through in India. However, I am totally against reservations for women, tax benefits given to women, thousand women groups formed within corporates blah blah. If you really want to respect a woman, give her the ability to decide her own life and do not judge her by how much she complies to the 'template'. Judge her by her intentions and her deeds.

There is one serious question though. In spite of all the freedom that the women playing beach volleyball enjoy, I am not sure that I can say that they are happier than this woman who had to stand in a corner in her own son's wedding. This has always been defying logic. Who is happier and how? Needs a lot more pondering before I come to any conclusion. There has to be a balance somewhere I guess. But I still feel freedom is important. Its better to be free and make wrong choices and regret than to be tied and forced to make right choices. You anyway won't enjoy the choice made for you. Or you resign to circumstances and force yourself to find happiness in what is bestowed on you. Maybe think about the women in some other countries who are even lesser privileged. I'd rather be called an arrogant girl by living life my way than being called an obedient girl by dancing to someone else's tunes.

So I will decide not to wear skimpy clothes only because I DON'T WANT TO, not because I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT IT IS WRONG. I will decide not to drink and smoke only because I DON'T WANT TO, not because PEOPLE MIGHT THINK I AM A ROWDY. So whenever you make a sacrifice, make sure its worth it. Don't do it because protocols demand so. Its all too complex.